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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514077">I'm lost but you'll always find me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyBuckley/pseuds/HaleyBuckley'>HaleyBuckley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:08:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyBuckley/pseuds/HaleyBuckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Beginning season 3 ish: Buck falls apart after the ladder truck accident and not being able to go back to work. Athena helps picking up the pieces ❤️</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Athena Grant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm lost but you'll always find me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“He wasn’t with himself enough to tell us who we should call for him, but then I recognized him being the firefighter kid you’re always talking about so I called you, hope that was ok?”</p>
<p>Athena moves past the police officer who just had called her to come around to the police station.</p>
<p>She peaks through the little window of the cell. He’s lying on the small bed in the room, body turned on his side. He’s restless and his face looks stressed. His bad leg is hanging off the bed. His shirt looks dirty and his jeans are ripped on the knees.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>Athena can’t take her eyes off the boy in front of her.</p>
<p>“Patrol 120 found him outside a bar, he was yelling around. He didnt’ wanna shut up so people called the police.” </p>
<p>She musters the boy again. It seems like he’s lost one shoe and there’s a purple bruise forming on his chin.</p>
<p>“Did you check him for injuries? There’s a bruise on his chin.”</p>
<p>The officer sighs.</p>
<p>“He didn’t really want to come with us and while getting him in the car, he fell over.”</p>
<p>Athena’s jaw tightens and she turns around to look at the police officer, with anger.</p>
<p>“And you didn’t make sure he got checked out? Wasn’t he on crutches?”</p>
<p>The policer officer swallows nervously and looks away.</p>
<p>“Yeah … but -”</p>
<p>Athena waves her hands around to silence the man. She takes the keys out of the his hands and unlocks the door. She throws back the keys to the officer, a little too hard.</p>
<p>“Get me his stuff, I’ll get him home.”</p>
<p>She quietly gets closer to the boy on the bed. It  hurts her heart to see him like this. She checks him over with her eyes. The bruise on his chin is already turning purple and the skin there is scraped open a bit. His leg seems okay, the bandage peaking through the hole in jeans. His hands are dirty and full of grim and dirt. He shouldn’t even be drinking he is still on heavy pain medication because of his leg. She leans closer and gently rubs at the man’s cheek.</p>
<p>“Hey Buckaroo, wanna show me those pretty blues of yours? Come on, open your eyes, no time to sleep now.”</p>
<p>Buck moans quietly but doesn’t react more.</p>
<p>She tries again finally getting a reaction.</p>
<p>His eyes pop open and they roam around the room without finding any focus. His arms shoot up and he flails around wildy. Athena grabs them and holds him at his wrists to prevent him from hurting himself. Buck stops his movements and finally looks at her, blinking with his eyes in confusion.</p>
<p>“-thena? Where -m I?”</p>
<p>“You decided to get some drinks in while you’re still on pain medication. Buck you can’t do that, it’s dangerous and you know it. You’re at the police station.”</p>
<p>Buck looks at her with lost eyes and Athena just wants to hug the boy and hold him tight. She knows the last weeks had been really hard for Buck. The accident, not being allowed to go back to work. No wonder his mental health had spiralled down. </p>
<p>“- least no -opsital.”</p>
<p>Athena scoffs out loud and Buck squeezes his eyes shut again. The woman lets go of his arms and grabs him by the shoulders.</p>
<p>“No sleeping here, lets get you home kid.”</p>
<p>Buck rolls his eyes and groans.</p>
<p>“Can’t move, don’t wanna move.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you are going to move now. Don’t make me tell you again.” </p>
<p>Athena stands up and drags Buck up into a sitting position. He holds at his head cleary being dizzy or having a headache. </p>
<p>“You gonna be sick?”</p>
<p>Buck shakes his head and looks at her still confused and a bit out of it.</p>
<p>“-thena, you’re here?”</p>
<p>Athena huffs out loud but grabs the man around the shoulders to get him standing. Buck’s wobbly on his feet but seems to try and stand on his own after a bit. The police officer from before comes into the room again and grabs Buck on his other arm. Together they manage to get Buck into Athenas car. She closes the seat belt around him and starts the car. </p>
<p>As soon as the car moves the boys eyes slips shut and he’s softly snoring against the window. Athena would prefer to take the kid to her place but she knows that Bobby and him still are cold as ice with each other, tension running high between them and she’s not in the mood for arguments tonight. After a 20 minutes drive she stops in front of Bucks appartment.</p>
<p>She gently nudges the boys shoulder to wake him.</p>
<p>“Wakey, wakey sweetheart, we gotta get you into the bed of yours, now.”</p>
<p>Buck licks his lips and opens his eyes. He looks confused and rubs at his head.</p>
<p>“Athena?”</p>
<p>Athena can’t help but laught a bit.</p>
<p>“Yeah kid, it’s me. Now let’s move.”</p>
<p>She gets out of the car and opens Bucks door. The boy hasn’t moved much and looks out of the car with half open eyes.</p>
<p>“Come on Buck, I cant get you inside all by myself. Help me out a bit here.”</p>
<p>Buck moves his good leg out of the car and Athena helps lifting the other one out. Buck grimaces in pain when his foot touches the ground. The woman squeeze his shoulder in comfort.</p>
<p>“Lean on me to steady your leg, ok?”</p>
<p>Buck nods and slowly gets up. It takes ages till he’s finally standing on his two feet. He sways a bit and Athena throws Bucks arm over her shoulders. She closes the door and the pair slowly makes their way to the man’s appartment. </p>
<p>They have to stop a couple of times because Buck cant hold himself up anymore. A two Minutes walk turns into 15 till Athena finally puts the keys in the lock to Bucks appartment. </p>
<p>She leads the man over to the kitchen counter where he leans on heavily. She can see that he’s putting all his weight on his good leg so the other one must be hurting. She can’t give him painkillers now though with the alcohol still being in his system. </p>
<p>Athena closes the door and puts the mans belongings on the counter. The apartment looks a mess. Empty bottles and take away food boxes lay around. The laundry lies in front of the washing machine. She feels for the boy and just wants to make things better for him. </p>
<p>She walks over to where Buck has slipped down on a chair, holding his head in his hands. He looks absolutely miserable and she has to shake herself to just not just sit down next to him and cry for him.</p>
<p>“Right, you go to sleep and we’ll deal with this later.”</p>
<p>She takes Bucks hand to make him move.</p>
<p>“Bed or couch?”</p>
<p>Buck looks up with tired eyes.</p>
<p>“Couch - not gonna climb those stairs.”</p>
<p>She looks up to the bedroom. The bedsheets are clean und untouched. It seems like he hasn’t been sleeping there for a while. She helps Buck over to the couch where he flops down in a heap and immediately rolls onto his side. His eyes close and he groans in annoyance. Athena grabs the blanket from the floor and throws it over the boy.</p>
<p>He blinks his eyes open a bit and Athena can see the sadness in his eyes.</p>
<p>“-m sorry -orry.”</p>
<p>His eyes close again and his breathing evens out. Athena crouches down in front of him and gently wipes a curl off his forhead.</p>
<p>“It’s alright kid, it’s gonna be alright.”</p>
<p>She quickly gets her phone out of her jacket and texts Bobby, that’s she’ll stay with Buck tonight. There’s no way she’s gonna leave him alone like this. She also makes a note to call Chim in the morning to check Buck over. </p>
<p>She slides her fingers under the blanket and touches the boys wrist, gently. His heartbeat seems steady and normal and his chest moves in a steady rhythm. She still wants him to be checked out properly, hoping he hasn’t damaged anything with his drunken bende tonight.</p>
<p>Athena lets herself fall on the chair next to the couch and closes her eyes for a bit.</p>
<p>She must have fallen asleep because next thing she hears is Buck throwing up in the bathroom. She jumps out of her chair and walks over to the bathroom. The boy awkwardly sits on the floor with hands holding onto the toilet bowl. He’s pale and sweaty and his body is shaking. She looks at her watch and notices it’s already morning .</p>
<p>“Hey Buckaroo, you ok there?”</p>
<p>Buck looks up but hides his eyes in shame. He wipes his hand over his mouth. It hurts Athena to see the boy so broken.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p>His voice is raw and he’s rubbing at his stomach.</p>
<p>“Except you’re not.”</p>
<p>Buck looks at her really this time and she can see the pain in his eyes. He shakes his head though and slowly tries to get up. He doesn’t get far because his leg seems to cramp and he falls back on the floor. It’s a sad sight and Athena can’t stop herself any longer and rushes over to the boy on the floor.</p>
<p>“Buck, let me help you.”</p>
<p>She reaches out her hand towards Buck but he doesn’t take it and tries to get up on his own again. It doesn’t work and he hits the floor with his fist in frustration.</p>
<p>“I can, no, I don’t need, I…”</p>
<p>His breathing speeds up and the words get stuck in his throat and his shoulders start to shake. Thick tears are running down his face and loud sobs are escaping his mouth.</p>
<p>Athena kneels down in front of the boy and pulls him into a hug. She gently rubs circles on his back. Buck hides his face in her neck, his hands gripping the back of her shirt tight. He’s shaking badly and the tears won’t stop.</p>
<p>“It’s ok Buck, I got you. It’s ok.”</p>
<p>They sit like this for a while and the boy seems to let all the pain and tension he’s been bottling for weeks out of his system now. He losens the grip on her shirt and moves away a couple of minutes later. He wipes his hands over his face and leaves the skin there all red.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Athena shakes her head and gestures for him to be quiet now.</p>
<p>“Let’s get you up ok?”</p>
<p>Buck nods and together they get him up and sitting on the kitchen chair. Buck’s still worriedly quiet till he starts speaking. His voice is barely a whisper.</p>
<p>“Thanks for getting me home.”</p>
<p>Athena sits down next to him.</p>
<p>“Yeah those cell beds aren’t comfy are they? Bad for your leg and all.”</p>
<p>Buck sighs and rubs his fingers over his eyes.</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have been drinking”</p>
<p>“ No you shouldn’t have. You’re on medication, everything could have happened to you.”</p>
<p>Athena looks at him with serious eyes.</p>
<p>“I know, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Stop apologizing. That’s not what I want from you. Buck I know you’re not coping and you need talk about it to someone. Stop bottling things up. It’s not healthy.”</p>
<p>Buck nods and stares at point on the wall behind Athena.</p>
<p>“It’s just hard.”</p>
<p>Athena leans over and squeezes at his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I know kid, but you gotta try, because this is not helping. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay, yeah.”</p>
<p>“Good. Now listen you either let me call Chim to check you over or you’re going to the hospital. I wanna makes sure you didn’t screw up things for you while pulling that drunken stunt yesterday. Your leg should get checked out aswell.”</p>
<p>Buck starts opening his mouth but Athena stops him.</p>
<p>“No you don’t get a say in this. You’ll get checked out and it is either Chim or the hospital.”</p>
<p>The boy coughs slightly and runs his hands through his hair.</p>
<p>“Hospital.”</p>
<p>“Alright.”</p>
<p>Athena guesses he doesn’t want his friend to see him like this and she understands it. She walks over to the living room and gets her bag. She really should get back to Bobby.</p>
<p>“Would you … would you come with me?”</p>
<p>Bucks eyes are wide and teary when he looks at her. She wishes he could wipe away his tears and make everything alright for him again, no ladder trucks crashing him or embolism almost killing him. He’s been through so much pain already and she wishes she could make the pain disappear. She feels for the kid like her own son. Since she crossed parts with young, reckless boy with a heart of gold she felt for him.</p>
<p>She walks back to the kitchen and takes his hands in her own. They’re still shaking a bit and she rubs soft circles into his skin.</p>
<p>“Of course kid, of course I can come with you.”</p>
<p>Buck for the first time this day squeezes her hand back.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>She smiles and he gives her a small smile back.</p>
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